Words to Comfort Someone who Lost a Loved One 

Expressing sympathy to someone who has just lost a loved one can be incredibly challenging.

We often feel uncertain about what to say, afraid that we might say the wrong thing or not convey our feelings in the right way.

Grief is a deeply personal experience, and every person mourns differently. Yet, offering comforting words can provide a sense of solace, a reminder that others care and that they are not alone in their pain.

In this blog, we’ll provide inspiration with phrases and condolence messages that can help you express your empathy. We’ll also share some insights on what not to say during this delicate time, ensuring your words are supportive and meaningful.

Comforting a Mourning Friend or Family Member 

When someone you care about loses a loved one, your presence is often the most important thing you can offer. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words: offering to help with daily tasks like preparing meals, picking up groceries, or simply being there to listen can make a world of difference. For more on this, read How to help someone who is grieving.

That said, words of comfort also play a significant role. A heartfelt, spoken or written message can provide much-needed emotional support. Here are some examples of phrases that can convey your sympathy and offer comfort during such a difficult time:

Words To Comfort Someone Who Lost a Loved One 

• I am so sorry for your loss.
• Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
• Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
• You and your family are in my thoughts during this incredibly difficult time.
• I am going to miss [Name].
• I feel so lucky to have known [Name] because [reason].
• I am here for you if you need someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on.
• [Name] was such a [adjective: compassionate, generous, kind-hearted] person.
• [Name] touched so many lives and made a lasting impact.
• What a remarkable life [Name] lived—[reason or memory].
• We mourn the loss of [Name] with you, and we celebrate the beautiful life they lived.
• I am grateful to have known [Name]. It was an honour to be a part of their life.
• Your [mother/father/grandparent] was an incredible person who uplifted everyone they met.
• I admired [Name] for [reason]. Their strength and kindness will never be forgotten.
• I understand how hard this time must be for you. Can I help with [specific task] so you can get some rest?
• I will be thinking of you and [Name] on their birthday/your anniversary. Sending love your way.
• [Name] was a devoted [sister/friend/spouse], and I will miss them dearly.
• Please don’t hesitate to call me at any time—day or night. I am here for you.

These simple yet sincere phrases can bring comfort and show that you care without overwhelming the person with excessive advice or sentimentality.

For more on this, read our article Short condolence messages (tips for writing and examples)

What Not to Say When Someone Dies 

While we often have the best intentions, certain phrases, though meant to comfort, can unintentionally hurt or invalidate the feelings of someone who is grieving.

It’s important to be mindful of how your words might be received during this incredibly sensitive time.  

1. Don’t belittle their feelings:  

Grief can be all-consuming, and everyone processes it in their own way. Minimising someone’s pain can make them feel misunderstood and isolated. Avoid saying:

“Cheer up” or “Perk up” – Grief is not something that can be “fixed” quickly.

“Stop crying” – People need to grieve in their own way, and tears are often a natural part of the process.

“Time heals all wounds” – While time does play a role in healing, it doesn’t take away the pain of losing someone close.

“At least [they] lived a long life” – Even a long life doesn’t make the loss any less painful.

“You’re young enough to remarry/have more children” – This can feel dismissive and out of touch with the immediate grief of the situation.

2. Don’t make it about you:  

While it’s natural to want to share your own experiences, grief is a very personal process, and now is not the time to make it about your own losses. Avoid:

“When my [loved one] died…” – Each person’s grief is unique, and comparing losses can inadvertently minimise their feelings.

“I know exactly how you feel” – Even if you have experienced a similar loss, everyone processes grief differently, and it’s better to avoid assuming you know how they feel.

3. Be cautious with religious comments (if they are not religious)

Religion can be a source of comfort for some, but for others, it may not be. If you are unsure about the person’s beliefs, it’s best to avoid religious statements unless you know they align with the person’s values. Phrases such as “they’re in a better place now” or “it was God’s plan” may not bring comfort to everyone.

How to offer practical support 

Beyond words, the practical support you provide can be just as meaningful. Here are some ways to offer hands-on help during a time of mourning:

Offer specific assistance – instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering something concrete, such as “Can I bring over dinner tomorrow?” or “Would you like me to help with the funeral arrangements?”

Check-in regularly – grief doesn’t have a timeline. Even after the initial flurry of sympathy cards and messages, continue to check in on your loved one, especially on significant dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays.

Remember important dates – take the initiative to remember and acknowledge meaningful milestones, such as the deceased’s birthday or the anniversary of their passing. A simple message like, “Thinking of you today, sending love and comfort your way” can mean a lot.